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"But you have to calibrate the pace with the person." And for women leaving early marriages, interacting with a new guy can be hard, too.
After Jo Vann Seals, 31, a former NFL cheerleader in San Diego, divorced her husband of five years—whom she'd dated since high school—she found herself unprepared for the bar scene.
When her date left, she immediately texted to ask him what had gone wrong. And she wanted to see him—all the time, calling and e-mailing constantly and jonesing to spend every night with him.
The breakup was devastating, but Aviva quickly moved on.
"I felt this gripping fear that I was going to be an old lady before I found anyone," she says. "It was my first date outside a relationship—ever," Aviva says.
One night a man she was talking to leaned over and kissed her. "I'd never kissed anyone besides my husband," she recalls.
Clueless to the secret signals of the dating world, Seals had been blinking "green" all night: She latched on to the man early and engaged in intimate chitchat, ignoring everyone else. "The more you do it, the better you get." Finkel suggests women ask friends for help—yet that can bring pitfalls, too.
To my excitement, the cute grad student from my journalism program was lingering. "You're getting too attached." Then he bopped me on the nose like I was a child—or a small dog.